


Zoro doesn't flirt

by Itsthemooface



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Guy Talk, I just like the Strawhats being matchmakers and little shits, Poor attempts at flirting from Zoro but what's new, Potty mouths- the both of them, Pre-Relationship, Roronoa Zoro and Vinsmoke Sanji Bickering, Zoro and Sanji are friends, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsthemooface/pseuds/Itsthemooface
Summary: Roronoa Zoro, the fearsome pirate hunter, bounty of 320,000,000, does not flirt.Except he totally does, and it takes a guy talk with Sanji of all people for him to admit it.Kinda.
Relationships: Nami/Roronoa Zoro, Roronoa Zoro & Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	Zoro doesn't flirt

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote my first ZoNami story just over a year ago and I wanted to post something around that time again (okay, so I’m actually late. This was originally planned for the 25th) to celebrate the milestone! 
> 
> Sanji being jealous is a guilty pleasure of mine but I also like him being a total bro and matchmaker. Like yeah, he’ll nudge Zoro in the right direction, but he’ll also make fun of him whilst he does it. Takes his shots where he can get ‘em.
> 
> Enjoy.

“It’s adorable, you know,” Sanji trailed off, interrupting the silence in the kitchen. He didn’t turn to look at Zoro, who he knew was at the table behind him, he just carried on drying the dish in his hands. But he knew it would be enough to engage the other man.

There was a brief silence and Sanji wondered for a moment if he was wrong, but then Zoro was grunting at him.

“What was that?” Sanji threw over his shoulder, still not turning. He’d heard Zoro just fine, knew that grunt was for him to elaborate, but he knew it’d get under his skin. He can almost see the scowl that would inevitably be on his face without having to turn around.

“What’s adorable?” Zoro bit out and his tone’s suggesting he knows that whatever Sanji’s about to say is going to piss him off.

Sanji turned then, deciding that he wanted to see Zoro’s face for what he was about to say. His previous thought was right, there’s apprehension but also irritation rolling off of Zoro from the kitchen table where he’s sat.

“Your attempts at flirting with Nami-san.” Sanji’s lips curling into an infuriating smirk.

Zoro’s face went blank and Sanji’s almost disappointed at the lack of expression, felt like he’d been cheated out of his prize for a second before Zoro’s lips are curling downwards to match the deep scowl forming on his face

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zoro said it with such conviction that to the untrained they would believe him, but Sanji did know him.

He could see right through it.

“Oh so your little scene at the table this morning during breakfast wasn’t flirting?”

Zoro looked incredulous. “It was an argument! What kind of idiot are you?”

“Normal people don’t enjoy ‘arguments’-” Sanji made air quotes then and Zoro’s grinding his teeth at being mocked- “or seek them out with the person that is apparently ‘the devil itself’,” Sanji finished.

“I do not enjoy them!” Apparently all Zoro has in his arsenal is denials and it’s all the confirmation Sanji needed. Sanji just wondered how long he’d be able to keep this up before it ended it an all-out brawl.

You can only corner a wild animal for so long…

“Only because you lose all the time, but you love the attention. Everyone can see it.”

Teeth clenched? Check. Knuckles white and gripping his sake? Check. Tense? Check. Silent? Check.

He’d achieved that sooner than expected.

Time to deliver the final blow.

Sanji dramatically sighed and turned to the side, to face away from Zoro. He looked at him from the corner of his eyes as he said:

“Roronoa Zoro, esteemed pirate hunter, whose name brings fear to those that hear it,” he has to resist gagging as he said it, no doubt adding to Zoro’s already inflated ego. It’s all worth it though with his next words, “can’t flirt like a grown man. It’s kind of pathetic really.”

The response is immediate, Zoro’s chair falling back with a clang on the hardwood floor as he shot to his feet, his hands reaching to rest on the hilt of his swords.

“You wanna go, is that it?”

“Running from the conversation like a coward? Poor Nami-san, having to deal with a brute like you,” Sanji goaded, even though he was already pushing away from the counter to take a step towards Zoro. “A brute with no flirting skills or ways to woo a woman.”

“I don’t flirt!”

Before anything could escalate further, the kitchen door’s swinging open and the very person they’re talking about entered. Zoro’s throwing him a foul look which screamed ‘keep your trap shut’. Sanji ignored it as his eyes zeroed in on Nami.

“Nami-san!” Sanji greeted cheerfully as she walked towards him, paying no mind to Zoro at the table or the fight about to break out. From the table, Zoro’s watching her like a hawk.

“Sanji-kun,” Nami greeting back, but left it at that as she stood in front of the fridge, fingers gracefully sliding around the combination lock with practiced ease to reach in and retrieve a drink.

“Nami, grab me one too,” Zoro called over to her just as she was about to close the fridge. Sanji frowned at his lack of manners but Nami beat him to it.

“What’s the magic word?” She teased; the fridge door still cracked open. Only Sanji, Nami and Robin knew the combination and between Sanji and Nami, Zoro had a higher chance of getting a drink relatively easily with her… and he could flirt with her, of course. 

He snorted before firing back, “I’ll remember that when you start barking orders.”

And just like that, it was like Sanji wasn’t even in the room anymore. They were both swept up in their bickering (flirting) that he was now openly watching the scene before him and neither took notice. He wasn’t even subtle about it; he’d put his pan down, his arms crossed and leaned back on the counter to watch the show.

It was an interesting watch.

You could tell a lot more with these two with what was said physically than verbally. And right now it’s screaming in the quiet kitchen. The way Nami’s leaning over Zoro where he’s sat, berating him as he moved the beer just out of her reach, despite her being nice enough to bring it over.

“How old are you?” Nami complained as her fingertips brushed the bottle, then Zoro’s moving it out of reach again.

“Sounds like loser talk right there,” he laughed and it sounded cold and cruel, at least to Sanji’s ears anyway, but his expression held a softness that is normally reserved for her (and Chopper, but that’s a given at this point).

To anyone else that wasn’t on this ship, it’d look like they were genuinely arguing. Both frowning now that Nami’s reclaimed her drink and voices gradually growing louder in their verbal ping pong match, but behind that, you could see Zoro’s eye lighting up as he leaned in as they went back and forth. He was enjoying this and Sanji was instantly reminded of that little boy that wouldn’t leave the girl alone, despite saying he didn’t like her. Except that girl enjoyed it too and gave as good as she got.

And then Zoro brought Sanji’s metaphor to life and actually tugged on Nami’s braid. He wasn’t even keeping up with their conversation anymore, it moved so quickly sometimes, so he’s not sure why Zoro did it. But it brought a blush to Nami’s face that has Zoro smirking in triumph before they’re launching into a new argument, one he does take interest in because she’s giving him shit about his hair and he wanted some of that material for later.

It seemed after all of that, Nami had come out the victor on their verbal spar but Zoro wasn’t one to go down easily. He got up and crowded into her space, something that wasn’t hard as they’d already been leaning into each other, and the atmosphere thickened as the space between their faces started to disappear and even Sanji held his breath- even though he wasn’t directly involved. It looked like he was going to kiss her, the way he was staring her down, his gaze flicking around her face, and despite inwardly thinking about how lame that would be (where’s the candlelight dinner?), he would still begrudgingly admire it because he honestly had no idea where Zoro suddenly got the balls from after all his pussyfooting.

That thought quickly came shattering down, along with the atmosphere, when he instead swiped the drink from her hands and took a long swig, his own drink abandoned next to him on the table. Sanji wanted to groan because honestly, what an idiot, but he stayed silent just so he could see how this played out.

It played out pretty much how Sanji expected.

Nami looked stunned and then in the next moment outraged, probably not at him drinking her drink (he’d seen them share many times before- something he might bring up, actually, when this had finished), but at being one upped. Sanji had seen her face just moments ago, she’d expected something far different from that, and no doubt the embarrassment was washing over her now.

She spluttered a few times, mouth trying to form words until she gave up. When no words appeared, she huffed instead, flicked her braid over her shoulder and turned on her heel to storm out of the kitchen.

Zoro grinned viciously as he watched her leave, his gaze straying much further south than it probably should.

It’s silent in the kitchen after the door closed, Zoro’s gone back to drinking his own drink and ignoring Sanji like their previous conversation hadn’t happened.

As if Zoro’s getting off the hook that easily.

“So… you don’t flirt, huh?”

Zoro doesn’t grace him with a response, at this point what can he say? Can hardly keep denying it after that show, so he settled for glaring at him fiercely instead. Something that didn’t affect Sanji in the slightest. He’d survived his biological brothers growing up, this is nothing.

“It’s…. giving as good as I get.” Zoro finally settled for, but even he doesn’t look convinced at that one. 

Sanji gave him a bland look. “So flirting?”

Zoro’s face is pinched painfully and it’s because he’s boxed into a corner. There’s no way to escape the inevitable and with a tight jaw he’s admitting, “Fine. I’m ‘flirting’.” He added the air quotations sarcastically, half giving in but still being stubborn and Sanji begrudgingly accepted that. Anymore pushing and it really will end in a fight.

“So, now that we’ve established you are flirting- don’t give me that look shithead, you are, and you know it-” Sanji pointed his finger as him but Zoro didn’t give anything other than a sour expression so he continued- “what’re you going to do about it?”

There’s a long pause and it’s because Zoro’s currently warring between continuing the stubborn streak and giving in.

For once, he picked the right direction, because they both knew Sanji would keep going until he gave anyway.

“I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this,” Zoro muttered and sighed, running his hand through his hair trying to stall. “I have a plan; I’m doing things at my own pace.”

“Any chance this plan happens before we find One Piece?”

“I don’t want to rush anything.”

“Strange, you’re not normally such a coward. If anything, you rush in like a moron.”

“You can stand there and pretend all you like but you’re no different, pervert.”

Sanji rolled his eyes in response. But then, a thought came to mind, something that Zoro had said just before was bothering him and it sounded far too vague. “Hang on, just to be thorough, what exactly _is_ your plan?”

Zoro shrugged as he responded, “Wait for the right moment.”

What an idiot. Truly. Nami must have done something in her past life to be stuck with him. He’d pray for her.

“That’s not a plan!”

“I don’t plan anything normally and it turns out alright,” Zoro said simply.

“You can’t just fight and stumble your way through this, you idiot!”

Zoro turned to him then, placing his empty drink to the side. “Alright then self-proclaimed ladies’ man, what plan do you have? Huh?”

Sanji opened his mouth to respond but Zoro interrupted-

“I swear, if you say candlelight dinner.”

Sanji’s shoulders sagged and Zoro’s laughing nastily.

“Oh, not so easy is it? And you call yourself a lady’s man, really is all hot wind in the end, huh?”

As much as Sanji knew how to get under Zoro’s skin, it unfortunately worked the other way around and Zoro’s comment has Sanji biting down his temper, his leg begging him to stop holding back. So instead, he chose to ignore that, be the bigger man. And maybe soothed himself with the thought of hiding one of Zoro’s weights later.

Sanji pushed away from the counter to distract himself, walking through the kitchen to open the fridge. He could hear Zoro playing with his drink behind his back, even though it’s empty and then Sanji’s grabbing another drink before walking over to the table. He placed it down in front of Zoro but doesn’t let go as he reached for it.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at the gesture.

“I don’t know what you’re really worried about and don’t deny that you’re not, but Nami’s interested.” Then he’s releasing the drink for Zoro to take.

Zoro’s gave him a sharp look. “She say something?”

Sanji took a step back to lean on the counter in the dining room. “She doesn’t have to. When you have people skills, you can see these sorts of things. Maybe add it to your to do list, along with playing with your swords.”

Zoro snorted then and for the first time since he entered the kitchen, it’s not in anger, or annoyance but in amusement and Sanji’s chuckling as well. Maybe not at his own words but at this situation. He never would have put money on his evening ending up like this.

They’re back in silence again but that’s fine, because Sanji’s pretty sure he’s got his point across. Zoro had half-heartedly admitted he was flirting and that he was going to do something about it. Good enough.

But then Zoro surprised him by speaking, offering up information that wasn’t asked for.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

Sanji’s almost speechless and his face is flabbergasted by Zoro’s quiet words. Something that he quickly got under control because if Zoro saw it, he would get cagey instantly and that would be the end. He’d never be able to touch on this again.

For a second, he hesitated, unsure what to say. He didn’t think Zoro was capable of doubting himself. He was normally such a smug bastard. This didn’t sit right with Sanji and its then that he found the words.

“I didn’t realise Perona was around, maybe it was those two years you spent with her. You sound like you already lost. How depressing.” It’s tough love but he’s sure that’s what’s needed. Then again, he wasn’t sure it was possible for him to give Zoro anything else.

Zoro said nothing and that doesn’t seem like a good thing either. He dug deep for the next one, “You can’t move forward if you don’t move at all.”

“You get that from a fortune cookie?”

Snark is better than silence, even if it does piss him off. “Seemed to work, what does that say about you?”

They’re glaring at each other now and they’re just about to tip over the edge when a weird look crossed Zoro’s face.

“Wait, why are you sticking your nose in anyway? You’re nosey at the best of times but this is a step too far for you.”

Oh shit. Time’s up. Play it cool.

“Like you said, I’m being nosey.”

Zoro’s eyes narrowed. “Bullshit-” and cruel smirk crossed Zoro’s face as he leaned back- “you’re pushing too hard and don’t think I don’t see your twitching leg. You’re holding yourself back.”

“I care about Nami-san and, unfortunately, you’re a part of that now.” Good save, Sanji, go with that. He mentally clapped himself on the back.

“Kinda sounds like you care about me too.”

“Don’t push your luck.” Sanji pointed a finger at him threateningly but it did nothing other than add to the infuriating expression on Zoro’s face. It’s superiority and it grinds Sanji.

“What other explanation would you like to give it? Why not just talk to Nami if it’s for her.”

God damn it. What a prick. He refused to say anything and that’s all Zoro really needed to hear as he chuckled and finished the last of his second drink.

“It’s painful to watch you two dance around each other,” is all Sanji supplied. It basically confirmed what Zoro said but he’s not saying anything other than that. He refused.

“That bad?” Zoro grimaced.

Sanji smirked. “There’s currently a betting pool.”

Zoro groaned loudly, head tipped back. “Fucking course there is. Meddling idiots, the lot of you.”

“She won’t say no. Well, as long as you ask like an adult and not pull on her hair like a child.” Sanji shook his head. “You literally did it earlier too, where did you pick this up from?”

“Got her attention, didn’t it?” Zoro looked far more satisfied than he deserved to look.

“I don’t want to badmouth Nami-san, but she normally has such exquisite taste, so I really wonder what happened here.” Sanji’s hand wafting in Zoro’s direction.

“Seriously though, stop hanging around. I know you’re worried about your friendship but give Nami some more credit-” Sanji paused, mulling over whether to say anything further, was this going too far? Ah, screw it, he got this far- “She won’t say no.”

Zoro gave him an assessing look, like he was trying to see if the other man was messing with him before he nodded, “Got it.” He stood from his seat then, apparently done with the conversation once and for all. 

Sanji stopped him before he could turn to leave, “Let’s agree to never do this again.”

“Agreed.”

And just because Sanji’s an absolute shit that cannot resist, “Unless, of course, you need advice about sex because you look _hopeless_ in that department.”

“You piece of shit!”

And his time was truly up then, something that Sanji welcomed because he was actually starting to feel _friendly_ towards the moss head.

“What do we have here? Bro bonding and I wasn’t invited?!”

Both Zoro and Sanji whipped their heads towards the new voice, stopping dead in their tracks and gaped. Because there stood Franky in the doorway of the kitchen, one hand on his hip and the other lifting his glasses, like he couldn’t believe the sight in front of him.

How either of them missed him they weren’t sure, nor did they know just how long he’d been standing there… or what he’d heard.

“We are _not_ bonding!”

“What’s _wrong_ with you!”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to ZoSan shippers, no hate whatsoever, but in my eyes, they have such brotherly sibling energy. I’d wanted to write this for a while. 
> 
> As always, forgive any errors. 
> 
> Happy new year everyone!


End file.
